Cold

Hi guys I know in my last post I wished that I wouldn't be leaving this blog to dust just like that. There's been so much going on in my life that I'm not sure if I can cope with everything anymore. It's just so hard nowadays. I'm writing this while waiting for my flight from Perth to Melbourne.

Tbh, I don't feel good about going back to Melbourne because I feel emptier than before I even left Melbourne. This is no cure for what I have in my heart. I'm just stupid to think so. I can't run from reality. Nobody can. Perhaps this is it, I don't know what to do now. I just feel so shitty about myself. I am no object. I am a human being.

I know I might be too much sometimes but sometimes it's just too much even for me. It used to be really good when I would normally have my breakdowns but lately it's really hard for me to actually shut myself down. I mean as much as I want it to happen, it just won't.

I am done being strong. I mean I need myself to be weak again like last time. It was way better then. There is nothing wrong with the environment I'm in, its just me. Everything that I think is wrong with world is actually me. I am nothing. Irrelevant in the eyes of the world. I know I'm just overthinking but sometimes you just need to vent it out somewhere.

My heart is dead. I feel dead. I feel the need to be loved for who I am but it is so hard. It is pathetic I know. I'm pathetic. I'm stupidly pathetic. I don't know what to do anymore. Fk this feeling.

I'm sorry guys.

Good night.