Hardship

Note: This is a writing that I'm supposed to pass up to my English teacher,

I'll be posting this here anyway as I want to share to you a tale from

somebody that is close to me.

Let's begin...

Hardship, from this one single word we can abbreviate it as a problem faced by a person. One question that I would rather ask to not only you but to myself too. How deep is our understanding towards this one word? Have we gone through it or are we facing it right now at this very moment ? For me hardship is just temporary. It is a test from God to us human being. I'll tell you a short story of mine which pretty much sums it all up.

    She is a woman from the Philippines named Didi, grown in such environment we all can never imagine. She has faced many challenges in life. All mainly from a single object called "money". Imagine waking up early in the morning, as the sun hasn't fully arise, mainly to go out to work. Bathing in ice cold water and have nothing but a slice of bread for breakfast. The sweet scent of fresh air greets you as you ride a bicycle to your workplace. Isn't it a blessing for us here that we go to work by car or motorcycles ? A 1 kilometer journey every morning by bicycle or foot is too much for us city-folks to handle, let alone 5.

    Didi was married to a loving and caring man and was blessed with 6 children. She worked all day and night just to support her beloved family. Life there is far from convenient. I was stunned by her will power to ease up the burden of her family, especially for being a woman with such attitude. She had no time to stop and enjoy the wonderful things in life. She often came home late. A feeling of burden on her shoulders arise as many more family members asked for help, that was the feeling she had. She couldn't stand seeing her family members being in such condition that even a grain of rice is hard to find.

   After several years, Didi made up her mind to go abroad and to support her family from the money she earned abroad. As it is so hard to find a decent pay rate in the Philippines to support a large family of hers. She started to write a diary just to let some of the feelings she had put in her heart out. The diary was olive green in color and was long in length. As she wrote on the very first page of her diary "If I am to be gone, I beg to those who are reading this book to send the money I kept in this very book to my beloved children.", a translucent lining of tears began falling from her eyes to her cheeks. The feeling of being lonely in a foreign country without any familiar faces was hard for her to get used to. The scent of this new place differs by loads as she was in the city and no longer in the rural areas. A thick smoke from the exhaust of cars can be seen all around.

  

   Soon after she had settled in, Didi met a woman who was a local. The woman's name was Ani. She has fair colored skin and average in size. They shared knowledge and the same degree of understanding between each other. Ani guided her as a friend and helped her by loads. By then she wrote another entry in her diary stated how grateful she is to meet a woman like Ani. She was often called to come by Ani's house as she is a masseuse. After awhile, she became rather close to Ani's family and to Ani as well. Ani has 3 children, 2 girls and one boy. Her daughters were in 2 different countries as they were on their road to reach their life goals. The eldest was studying in Australia while the other was in the Philippines.  The boy in the other hand was still in high school.

   Seeing how Ani would gather around with her own family made her miss her's back in the Philippines. She smiled as she saw them being happy with one another. A sudden flashback played in her mind. Reminiscing the moments she had with her children back at home. The smell of fresh air and how life was in the Philippines still fresh in mind. She tried to hold back the tears of longing and tried to be strong. She just smiled and stared. 

   One particular night, Ani's younger brother came to her house to ask for money. He said that he needed some cash for fuel as he needs to go for an hour long journey back to his house. The scent of cigarettes lingers on his shirt as he is a smoker. Ani gave him a hundred bucks and Didi gave another ten. He then left in pitch darkness of the road as it is night time.
 
   Soon after, Didi had a talk with Ani about how he resembles Didi's older brother, who came to seek financial help often. Her older brother was a farmer and has to wait for every 3 months for an income. She then began to talk to Ani about how life was in the Philippines and how she has suffered just to support her family. "I feel burdened as all of my siblings are depending on me to send them money for them to eat" said Didi as her eyes began to become watery. She added on "I feel like I'm the only one who's holding up an umbrella as the harsh rain falls from the sky to the earth and everyone in my family are taking cover under it. What if I fall ? Who will support them ?". Her heart shattered as she recalled all longings and all responsibilities. Ani just smiled and said, "Be grateful as there are many others who are struggling even bigger challenges than you. Whenever you feel burdened, look at your back as there are many others who are having a rough time as you do but some are unable to do anything about it." Didi began cheering up as she wiped the tears off of her cheeks.

   Ani understands her situation well as she was dealing with the same problem Didi has. Ani has to work hard for her parents and siblings just to support them financially. The difference between them was Ani took the problem into a positive thing while Didi made it negative. Didi felt a slight warmth in her heart hearing the words of another woman dealing with the same problem. She grinned as she counted her blessings and she felt grateful. Ani  was holding a cup of coffee and later on said, "Never bother to seek the compliments from a mere mortal as God's is far more important.". She said that because Didi mentioned about how others began to mock her with heart breaking comments. The heavy feeling of longing and responsibility began to disappear. The scented aroma of coffee came strong as she put the cup on a glass table.

   Didi refrained and said, "I miss my children and yet I can't go back to see them because if I leave this country, it will cost me a lot of money and a period of 2 months to come back. My family will be starving by then.". A thin lining of tears began to fall again. As a response, "Whenever you feel down, always remember to seek help from God. Ask Him for strength to go through such obstacle as He would help those who are in need." said Ani. Her shattered heart began to reassemble itself as she gathered her strength.

   Didi is now still struggling with the same obstacle but with a more positive attitude. She is a friend of my mother and hearing her story made my heart throb in pain as I can only imagine the pain she's been through as a mother of 6 and the youngest of her siblings. Her mum is sick and she can only provide them financially. As I said, for me, hardship is just temporary. It depends on the attitude of the person on how they deal such situations. Everyone have their own form of hardships. Some may be greater than others but with the help from God, everything will fall to back to place like a single piece of puzzle waiting to be put inside a beautiful crafted imagery of one's life.

The light and the dark

"I am not good nor am I evil, I am both."

People might think I'm evil just by hearing stories from others. They don't even know me, and I don't even know them. Words are sharper than knives and the wound will take a longer time to heal. I am nice to people who are nice to me and I can be evil to those who are evil to me. In other words, I'll treat you based on how you treat me. If you treat me with respect, I will surely do the same. Though you need to be careful not to be friends with a hypocrite. They'll eat you slowly without you even noticing. The longer you live on this planet, you'll find out who your true friends are and you'll find out who your fake friends are. Those who are only there to use you, I get that a lot.

"Friendship grows from a seedling to a tall and beautiful rose,

Once you know it is filled with darkness, it is better to pull it out

before all evil comes to you."

By darkness, I really meant by evil intentions and they'll do all that they can to hurt you. You should take the first move to eliminate them before they get the chance to eliminate you first. Maybe they are jealous, maybe they are too stuck up to move on. They like to see others fall so that they feel like they're the best of beings.

One word of advice, just leave them be. Stay away from such people. It is better to do so. I learned a lot yesterday. It was a big smack on the face but I chose to endure the pain. Like I said before, it is better to be hurt by the truth than being lied for a lifetime. I can't really recall the exact sentence but you get my point.

A book that tells the tale

"People, without even bother reading the content of the book,

enjoys judging it based on it's cover."

It is clear to me on how people judge a person based on his/her looks and how they act without even knowing them. Untold stories and bitter memories are untold due to the ignorance of a person. They prefer judging them by appearance and not by the heart. I see hypocrites being adored and lies are told. I further myself away from such people because they bring nothing but harm to me. There is a word that might extend to the actions of such people. It is called "back stabbing".

People of such kind will be kind and polite in front of you but at your back, they spread lies and rumors about you. That is what I meant by "bring nothing but harm". It is better to keep distance from harmful beings. Especially when you know them really well. We are all blinded by lies because of how beautiful a lie is and how ugly the truth holds. There is a saying, "It is better to be hurt by the truth, which will only last awhile, than to be blinded by lies, which will last for a lifetime."

"Love, it works in a mysterious way.

It is a gamble between sorrow and happiness."

I ask myself, "Is love real?". I believe it is a way to share your happiness and sorrow with another person who will give you strength to be someone better. I find myself to be young and inexperienced in such topic. I can only wait for love. It comes when you least expect it. Due to the awful pain of heartaches, I choose to not to be involved. At least not now. I have a goal and I must do everything I can to score it. Love is just a distraction for me now. I am still young and I still have a long way to go. I choose to firm up my foundation so I can have a better future for my family and I. We should all be strong when it comes to love. As I said before, " Love is a gamble between sorrow and happiness. Once you've found the right person, you've hit the jackpot." This is true though, at least in my opinion. I apologize in advance because I'm still inexperienced and know only little about this world but I would like to share my point of view of love.

"Love gets you going when you feel like falling down.

Its a form of a helping hand to get through of harsh situations.

Love can be found in many forms. Some may be in the form of friendship,

some might be found in family bonds, but for sure, 

it is a warmth to be shared with others."

Responsibility

"Do not be burdened by others,

Let yourself free to enjoy life.

But not to forget about the important things in life,

Balance them both and you'll do just fine."

I feel like running away. I feel burdened by the people around me. I don't have people to lend me a hand while I always did when they need someone the most. The feeling of being blamed by things that you didn't even do. I, myself is blaming me for the things that happened to others. I have a feeling of responsibility to make everything straight and running smoothly. I blame myself. My level of depression and stress has weaken my body. I'm unable to do things that I once enjoyed. I can no longer sense the feeling of joy. All i can do is write. I wish to shout and let everything out but I have no will to do so.
I feel like I'm crushed by a boulder as I run through the obstacles. I just can't take it anymore. The feeling of guilt. I deactivated my Twitter and Facebook to avoid flashbacks and to prevent my level of depression being higher. I thought I was strong enough to walk and just ignore the surrounding. But i was wrong. I am unable to move and I'm stuck in one place. Feeling helpless and burdened.
I don't have enough strength. All I can think now is to seek help from God. He is the only one who can save me from this feeling of guilt.

I understand others and are able to give them advices because I've experienced it first hand. But when I keep on helping them, their problem became one of my own. That's where the guilt came from. I am no longer able to hold such burden. I have tons of problems of my own that I need to settle. I became blue these past few days. Due to the fact that I'm having a really rough week. I would like to run away but I know that running away will only delay my problems. They will come once more until I deal them first hand. The problem is, I don't know how to overcome such situation. I've fell to the deepest pit this time and I would do anything to be up and running as I normally do.

Life as we know it

"We did not choose to grow up,

Its a process in life where it will take away

your happiness and joy slowly"

Funny how when we were kids, we can't wait to grow up. Once we've grown up,

we wish to go back to when we were kids. Perhaps the stress of having a responsibility took

our judgement to a whole new level. It is a burden that everyone will have. Each is unique to every individuals.Without noticing, our happiness and joy will be sacrificed in this process called growing up.

You can't really play around and enjoy time with your family and friends. Your mind will be full of

unsettled problems. Health will become an issue. Money is all you want and everything else doesn't seem to matter.

I've seen people who actually became addicted to something more addictive than drugs. The name is money.

Parents fighting in front of their children just because of some financial problems. People say "You can't have everything". For money, I have lost the passionate feeling of being loved by my parents and being around family. I no longer know the feeling of bonds between family members and this place called home is just a place for me to sleep and shower. There is no warmth in this place. It all started 4 years ago.

It is a bitter memory of mine. My childhood differs from others. During this period, I no longer taste home made meals and eating alone is the thing I do most. It was better when my sisters were still around, but as they took a step closer to their dreams, I am alone. I do not want my future children to experience the same thing I did. I suffered a lot and I don't want them to suffer like how I did. 

Moving on...

"A promise is something you should keep, not break"

People often say that if you are unable to fulfill one's wish, never promise them. 

Promise is something that you are sure you can do and there is no way for you to not accomplish it.

A broken promise is like a broken trust. You're betraying someone's trust. I can relate to it as a broken bench. Once it's broken, you are unable to sit on it anymore. It hurts knowing that a person you trust didn't keep his/her promise. Because of the high hopes and expectations you've put in, it breaks your heart into a thousand pieces. For that, my friend, that person will never trust you again. Once you've been hurt, you'll not give 100% that you have to anybody. Its a simple state of mind. Will you go back to something that hurt you? For an example, if a dog bit you, will you ever go and pet it on the head as if nothing ever happened?

I don't think so. That is why its hard regaining something that you once had. Thus, that will lead to one and only conclusion.

"What you have now won't stay the same forever,

some might be lost, some might move on,

some you can never regain. 

Cherish things you have now,

there is no use of regret once its lost forever."

Wanting to break free

"There will be a time for me to break free from this cage,

by that time, I will spread my wings as far as I can

and just fly away never looking back"

Life has been troublesome for me these past few weeks. I've went through a lot.

Dramas of life gets me every time. I feel like breaking down and just sit down and give up.

But then, I somehow find a will for me to keep going and never stop.

I am truly grateful to God for everything He has ever given to me.

Perhaps this is all a test from Him to me right?

      I noticed a big change in myself. But somehow I don't like this change.

It feels like I've lost a part of me that is true and pure. I feel lost. The pressure of things

going on made me who I am today. I wish to go back where everything is free from dramas, responsibility and stress. Pressured by the people who are near me, I wish to go away. 

     Another year left for me until I break free. I can't wait to feel a slight taste of freedom. 

I envy people who are already on their way on achieving their long dreamed career. 

They seem to be enjoying life more as they are no longer tied to the ground. They are like

birds which cage has been opened and they are free to fly wherever they wish. I want that.

     Reality struck me down as I dream for that day to come, long for that day to come.

It feels like part of me is waiting on the other side of the bridge. I want to cross it but

I'm chained. Unable to go, I struggle day by day. Hoping that I will find a way to break free from the

torment of reality. 

"I, myself, can only create my own fairytale.

 It is ruined by the hands of others. 

Fantasy ruined by Reality. 

Such a waste, such a waste."

     Struggling on my own in order for me to have a brighter future. Writing is the only way for me
to ease up the burden I'm carrying on my shoulders. It's a way for me to express things that I can't express in real life. I feel better whenever I let go of thoughts that I keep in my mind. This is the only way for me to, in a phrase, shout to the world that I no longer care and hit me with your best shot. Helps me get my thought straight. There is a quote that I'd like to share to you, which somehow I can relate to.

"The loneliest people are the kindest.

The saddest people smile the brightest.

The most damaged people are the wisest.

All because they do not wish to see

anyone else suffer the way they do"

By: Anonymous 

    I'm kind to people because I've been lonely long enough. I want people to share their happiness with me. To let go of problems even if its just for awhile. I smile just to cover up the sadness that surrounds me whenever I'm alone. I don't want people to frown just because I'm unhappy. I smile the brightest and I laugh the loudest but deep down the pain in my heart still stings. I give advice to people hoping that they won't do something that they might regret. I don't want to see people getting hurt when I know that I can give a little bit of a helping hand. I won't ignore it. I've done things that I regret now. I wish to not reminisce those awful painful memories. As they say it, "helping others means helping yourselves". I see things from my own perspective, just to give people another way to think. I'm not saying that I'm the wisest nor am I the kindest. But for sure, things that I can prevent from happening, I must take action. I'm here to help ease the pain of others whilst I ease my own pain.

A new chapter in life

People often seek for answers; why? how? what?

We can't see things because we are blinded by fear and lies.
The reason why a person is limited to only a few amount of ideas is because
he/she is bounded by the action of "Don't".
Without even trying, people often give up because of the state of mind.
There is a key to unlock everything, and the only thing that we should be doing is,
try and try again.
When you've been listening to the word "don't" since you were a child,
it becomes a custom. Which will also lead to the action of won't and shouldn't.

"Owh I shouldn't be doing this.."
"Owh I won't be able to do that.."

These are examples of a person who is mentally bounded by the
limitation of action and without even trying, he gives up.

People say, "Those who have a good sense of humor will enjoy life more".

Why?
Its because, people with a good sense of humor means that they have a wild imagination and
are open minded. These kind of people will have the most creative ideas whenever they're
doing something for example, brain-storming and for proposals as well.
You see, these kind of people are not bounded by the word "don't". They have the confidence on trying something new and enjoy failures as much as success. Without failures, we may never be able to understand the true meaning of success.

"Life is a puzzle which will take a lifetime to finish"